As I stood in our glitter-filled bathroom shaking the shimmering flakes out of my hair the morning after our annual Midsummer revel, I stopped for a moment to ponder the turning of the wheel. "It's all downhill from here," I lamented to my husband, who was making a futile effort to shake the sparkly stuff off of our bed sheets and pillow cases, all the while good naturedly complaining about being forced to show up to work full of shiny "faery dandruff" for the next several weeks. He looked at me as if I were a little crazy, which isn't uncommon, and I went on to explain, "last night was the end of the light side of the wheel of the year." He'd heard it all before and gazed out the window as if to confirm that summer was still holding strong. Nothing is ever exactly as it seems -- even the day after Solstice we are moving toward darkness.
Lughnasadh, the first of three harvest festivals that we celebrate in our home, is now upon us. We have been enjoying strawberries, radishes and peas from our garden and are just now watching tomatoes, blackberries and apples ripen. Home-baked bread and berry pies grace our table, and we enjoy the luxury of dining outside in the warm evening air. Our modern calendar may say that summer has only recently begun, but the shortening days tell a different tale to those of us that are sensitive to the change in seasons. Even while we harvest luscious summer fruits, we must begin to think of death and darkness. As each raspberry cane finishes fruiting and then dies, it is cut back and given to the compost pile so that new canes will grow and flower the following year.
For pagans and nonpagans alike, the shortening days mean slowing down, spending more time indoors and becoming more introspective. For many of us, particularly those used to being outside or who moved to the gray Pacific Northwest from sunnier climates, this slowing down and diminished sunlight can manifest as bouts of depression or seasonal affective disorder (SAD). I firmly believe that one of the contributing factors to these conditions is our disassociation from the rhythms of the Earth.
Our ancestors in the not-so-distant past were dependent on the cycle of the seasons and rejoiced in bringing in the first harvest, knowing that they would not go hungry during the long, cold, dark winter. They also understood that they must save seeds and store their harvest carefully if they wished to survive to see another season. They worked hard bringing in their harvest and preparing for the next season's planting. In the winter they enjoyed rest as their duties shifted from physical labor to quieter, more contemplative and often spiritual work.
Most of us are not tied to the Earth through agricultural seasons as our ancestors were. We don't have to wait for milk, bread, eggs, fruits or vegetables like they did. We can just go to the store and buy whatever we need in cans or frozen. We don't work ourselves to exhaustion in the fields each day, harvesting and storing our crops, looking forward to a well-deserved rest in the winter. We push ourselves at a frantic, monotonous pace day in and day out because that is what is expected in our "technologically advanced" culture. It is easy for people in our society to live their entire lives completely oblivious to what is going on around them in the natural world.
No matter how hard we try to hold the cold and darkness of winter at bay with artificial light and heating, the seasons continue to change, and despite our efforts we react to that change. If we as a society are not connected to the cycles of the Earth, if we're not working with her, is it surprising that so many people have problems dealing with the dark side of the wheel and themselves? Obviously, someone with severe clinical depression or SAD needs to have a complete medical evaluation, but that doesn't mean that learning to live with the Earth's rhythms won't make a big difference. We may be able to create artificial light and purchase what should be summer food during the short cold days, but we are creatures that are biologically linked to the cycles of the sun. When our bodies and brain chemistry react to the shorter days, nature is telling us to physically and mentally switch gears.
Just because the change of seasons tells us to slow down and draw into ourselves while our lifestyle tells us otherwise doesn't mean that we can't use this time in much the same way our ancestors did. The dark side of the wheel is an excellent time to cultivate our creative sides by studying, reading, baking, canning, creating art, learning to play a musical instrument, or meditating. More important, it is the time to learn to recognize and work with our shadow sides. Many pagans tend to focus on the light side of the wheel, which leads them to only look at that side of their own natures. Unfortunately, many of us are afraid to work with the side of ourselves where our passion and creativity lies. We are afraid that if we look deep inside ourselves, we won't like what we see. The following chorus from the song "Dark Side" by Elvendrums speaks to me of the challenges we face in recognizing and working with our shadow sides.
On the dark
side... you turn the day into night
On the dark
side... you turn the wrong into right
On the dark
side... you make your life into hell
On the dark
side... you're so bad you can't tell
[Copyright 1999 by Elvendrums, reprinted with permission.]
Even for those of us who honor the wheel of the year, it can be a challenge to know exactly when or how to work with the darker energies. The sabbats from Yule to Midsummer are easy to celebrate; they focus on the promise of light, new life, fertility and fruition. Even when the wheel has turned, it is all too easy to focus only on the happy aspects of the harvest festivals, decide to superficially acknowledge death and honor the ancestors at Samhain and then get giddy as Yule and the returning light approach. Without truly honoring darkness and death, we can never fully appreciate light and rebirth. Just as the Earth enters a phase of death and rebirth, so do our hearts and souls. We can realign ourselves to the rhythms of the Earth and use the dark time to look deep into that part of ourselves.
Once we have learned to appreciate the darker side of the seasons, we are ready to face the more difficult challenge of delving into our own personal darkness. It can take a lifetime to learn to recognize and more or less accept the darker aspects of our nature. One of the easiest aspects to begin with is anger and rage. We all feel it from time to time, sometimes for good reasons, and other times it can be completely irrational. When anger turns to rage, it frightens us. We aren't in control; we're feeling and possibly showing a side of ourselves that we don't want to acknowledge. The old Celtic stories of Cuchulain, for example, weave glorious, heroic tales of battles being won almost single-handedly when he was seized by "battle rage." We, on the other hand, have been taught by society that we shouldn't express anger or get to the point of rage. We are told that we should "blow it off," or "rise above it." This is not being true to our nature, nor is it healthy. This type of denial and bottling up of strong, normal, healthy emotion can manifest in acute or chronic illness. Obviously going into a "battle rage" at work over someone forgetting to refill the printer with paper or taking our parking space is not appropriate, but we can channel that energy toward destruction and rebirth.
Victims of a sexual assault or abuse, after receiving the appropriate physical care and counseling, may choose to channel anger and rage toward becoming advocates, emergency services or social workers or volunteering at a local shelter. They may direct their physical energy toward mastering a martial art, and may later teach self-defense classes, or they may learn to watch for the signs of abuse in others and try to encourage them to seek help. Before any of this can happen, the rage and anger must be recognized and dealt with. Sometimes it takes years of counseling and hard work, and sometimes it can be done sooner. Even though getting professional and legal help in these situations is vital, one can also supplement this assistance with magickal work and meditation.
One tool I use frequently for this purpose is fire, either in the fire pit in my back yard or in the "cauldron of transformation," depending on whether I want to physically burn something like a letter, picture or cut cord, or just transform the energy. Fire destroys, but it also renews. The giant sequoias in the Sierra Nevada Mountains require fire in order for their seeds to germinate. Areas of Yellowstone National Park devastated by fire in 1997 sprung back to life less than two years later with baby trees sprouting up like weeds, and islands are created by the power of fiery volcanic eruptions.
The cauldron of transformation ritual is a simple and effective way to work with emotions and thoughts that have become self-destructive. All that is required is a small fireproof container, a stable fireproof surface to set it on, and some rubbing alcohol (you can add epsom salts for color). Alone, or in a small group of trusted friends, hold the cauldron with both hands and fill it ritually with thoughts and emotions that you wish to transform. Screaming, shouting, crying, swearing -- anything goes as the cauldron is passed from person to person. It is important not to hold back and to vent until you have said everything you can think of or are too exhausted to continue. Once everyone has filled the cauldron, carefully light the alcohol and visualize the flames consuming and destroying what you have put in. When the flames begin to die down, visualize a phoenix rising out of the ashes, the energy transformed into a new usable form.
As the nights get longer and we have more quiet time indoors, meditation and journeying are excellent methods of dealing with our shadow sides. One of my favorite meditations involves picturing the situations or people that I associate my dark reactions with turning into brambles that are choking out the air and sunlight. Just when I feel that I can't take anymore, I find a silver sickle in my hands and begin to hack away until I am blistered, sore and exhausted. Once the brambles have been cut back, I carry them to a bonfire and burn them. Ritually journeying back to a time or place to "confront" the image of an abuser, someone who has wronged us or even ourselves is a very powerful method known by different names in many cultures, traditions and even in modern psychology. Regression therapy -- or partial soul retrieval as it is commonly called if the injured part of ourselves is re-integrated -- should be done under the instruction of someone trained in these techniques. When dealing with any serious work of this nature, make sure that the person you are dealing with has references that you can check out.
Meeting ourselves, be it in a meditation, through the eyes of another or by looking in the mirror is perhaps one of the most difficult and important things that we can do if we want to work with our shadow side. When others easily push our buttons, anger us or hurt our feelings, the real cause lays within our shadow self, not the actions of others, however obnoxious they may be. We need to recognize jealousy, insecurity, anger, rage, hostility and other darker aspects of ourselves and accept them as part of us if we can ever hope to integrate and work with them. We can align ourselves with the cycles of Mother Earth, use the dark time to look deep into ourselves and hopefully do some serious work with our shadow sides.
Even with the hardest of work and the best of intentions, we will grow weary of darkness and the confinement it often imposes. The wheel will continue to turn, and soon enough it will be the Winter Solstice, at which many of us will gather together to celebrate the returning light in large rituals, small family gatherings and solo vigils. By then, my dear hubby will have just gotten rid of the last traces of "faery dandruff" from the previous solstice. We will gather with the crowd at Gaia's grove as we do each year to ritually banish the darkness, pass the light and dance and drum the night away. That celebration will be all the more meaningful for everyone involved when we have spent the preceding months dealing with the dark side of the year.