article
by Sylvana
Why in Goddess's name would anyone want to have a sex ritual or ritualized sex? Besides the obvious excuse to have an orgy -- though very few, if any, of the sex rites that I have produced or attended have resembled most people's concept of an orgy. And as far as I am concerned there is no need for an excuse to have an orgy!
However, there are reasons that you might want to have a genuine ritual to raise and share sexual energy, and they can differ from those to have an orgy. Below are a few of mine, on which people close to me concur:
· You want to.
· You want to connect with and explore the creative energy of the divine.
· You want to allow yourself to commune with Deity one-on-one.
· You need or want sexual or emotional healing.
· You are dedicated to sexual freedom and free expression.
· You want to make more of a connection between yourself and another person or group of people.
· You want to raise the powerful energy of sex magick for some spell work or goal.
· You want to work to overcome your cultural programming about sex.
All of these are valid motivations, and there are numerous more! Raising sexual energy can make your magick incredibly effective, aid in clearing and healing your physical or emotional body and deepen your bond with others, whether gods or mortals, and it is an enormously powerful way to make deep and lasting connections. Working on overcoming our negative cultural programming about our bodies, nudity and sex being disgusting, evil and immoral is also always worthwhile.
How do you determine what to do and who to do it with? Remember, this type of worship is highly personal and subjective, so you must continually ask yourself many questions, and know that your answers may be different from mine. What works for me may not work for you, and we are both right -- for us!
The ritual format depends on whether you want a sex ritual with only yourself raising sexual energy through masturbation, with you and your partner focusing your energy on a particular goal while you make love alone or with a whole group of people sharing the divine creative energy of sexual union. Will it be a womyn-only, all-male or gender-balanced heterosexual couple circle, or a pansexual group? By pansexual, I mean all orientations and genders in whatever expression. If you pursue gender balance, will you require an absolutely even number of men and women?
It's helpful to have one person be "in charge." This is my opinion; I have found over the years that it works well to keep things focused, moving and to direct the people and the energy flow. This is usually a good job for the high priestess or high priest if you have one. Such a person is usually accustomed to directing things and can make sure the energy flows and gets to its intended destination. You or your group can certainly come to a consensus about why, what, who and how the ritual goes -- it just helps to have one person whose job it is to say "Okay, let's go!" If, that is, you ever want anything sexual to happen.
If you plan to call elements or directions, you'll want volunteers for that. You'll want setup and cleanup help so you don't end up doing all the work yourself. You may also want ritual monitors, there to help if one of your ritualgoers has a problem or an emergency and to make sure that things go smoothly, that no one is predatory, upset or freaked out and that the rules, whatever you decide they are, are being followed. Choose someone with good energy and organizational and people skills to be a setup and cleanup director and someone who is diplomatic but firm to be a ritual monitor. It helps if you select persons who are good at particular jobs to do those jobs.
Once you have found volunteers, the next thing is to work out how many individuals or couples that you would like to have participate. If it's only a few, the ritual is a bit easier, although a lot of the same things apply whether it's two or twenty-two. If you will have anyone that you don't know well, you will need to determine how to screen people.
Make your mind up consciously what your screening process will be, or that you won't have one, and stick to it. Beware of inviting those with intense sexual issues such as sexual abuse or rape, unless they have worked on these issues and feel comfortable that the ritual won't push them over the edge! Be sure to have a few people designated to help out if anyone does get weirded out or over-amped.
Make it clear to those you plan to invite that this is not a spectator sport, that they will be expected to participate at whatever level you decide to require. They cannot just come and watch. There are many reasons for this, and the least is that the others who are participating might feel like actors in a bad porn movie. Besides, if some people do not actively participate, others may follow their lead and do nothing, till you have a room full of people doing nothing. Most of these rituals require some level of or complete nudity, so people must be willing to take off their clothes and interact erotically, either with their partners or others. This is a must for a successful ceremony.
If people want to attend, they need to be committed to active participation. Brief them on what will go on and what level of participation you expect, so they are not surprised. If they have never been to a sex ritual before, you may need to assure them that they will not have to do anything that they really don't want to do. I won't go into negotiation and etiquette here; Bestia Mortale has a nice essay that touches on these topics in this paper. Suffice to say that it's important both to respect your own boundaries and your partners' and to be graceful both in rejecting and accepting invitations and in being rejected or accepted. If you go to this kind of ritual with the attitude that you're there to give, to show your love for the Deities, you're more likely to have a good time than if you focus on what you're going to get.
When you have a set number of participants, you can outline how much physical room you need, what kinds of decorations and what you will need as far as supplies, food, drink and so on. By supplies, I mean cleaning effects, safer-sex materials, bed clothes, breath mints, water and juice and finger foods; I list my ideas on these at the end of the article.
Music is important; record some ahead of time so you may have a relaxing but stimulating and uninterrupted flow. Muted lighting is best, and pink or red bulbs are very flattering, as are candles. If you want candles, make sure that they're enclosed in glass and placed so they cannot tip over and light anything on fire... that's another ritual!
Another good thing to have is a release of liability. For your own protection and good sense, you must limit participation to adults. Over 18 is acceptable in Washington, but I suggest that 18 is not generally emotionally mature enough, and my rule has been that participants must be over 21. Get everyone to fill the release out, sign it and provide photo ID if they are under 35; write the ID number and birth date down on each release. (If you need a release of liability, I have a standard one that we use that I'd be happy to e-mail to anyone who asks; mail me at sylvanas@juno.com.)
Once you've gotten everyone and everything in place and everyone's legal, it's good to have a preplanned activity as an ice-breaker, something where the participants break into smaller groups and do something intimate, such as body painting, dancing, feeding one another, trust exercises or some interactive game like naked Twister. The activity should provide a chance for people to get undressed and touch or hug or kiss or something of that nature.
A couple of really good ice-breakers that I have used in the past are to require people to bring delectable goodies for ritual consumption but allow them to eat only from one another's hands, or to paint small symbols on one another with edible body paints... remember each participant is divine and represents the God or Goddess in this rite. This activity gets the juices flowing and gets people interacting in a positive and unthreatening way. I also like Tantric breathing, such as the Breath of Fire, for raising one's sexual energy; this done with hip thrusting gets you on the right track fairly quickly!
Once you have things moving along nicely, you can relax and join the fun. Make sure that latex is employed where it is necessary and that people have what they need to enjoy themselves. I tend to rotate the ritual monitors so that everyone who wants to may participate. I also usually ask that all of the people involved in the ritual help focus the sexual energy raised on a specific thing, purpose or place. We have used healing the earth as our focus and also have done a number of sexual rituals to worship specific deities.
You will want to plan how long the actual ritual part of the evening lasts and stick to that, sending out the energy and either planning to take down the circle in your customary way or doing it yourself quietly. Doing so allows the participants to either go or to continue what they are doing for a while longer. If you have a specific time that everyone needs to be out of the space, you might want to ring a bell or gong at 30, 15 and 5 minutes, before you need to start picking up and cleaning, letting people know that time is winding down. In addition to having volunteers prepared to help with cleanup, prepare your ritual attendees in advance so that they clean up after themselves, and you'll have a minimum of work to do at the end.
Another thing to ask is that the ritual attendees come into the rite with generosity and compassion and leave their judgment at the door. We all have our favorite sexual types, and most of us are insecure about whether we will be chosen by our "dream mate" if we don't already have one. But if people can relax and let things go as they will, things will flow much better.
If you do all the right things, you should be able to have a successful rite, but as you can see, it's not easy! Good luck, and please do share your results with me by e-mail; my address follows!
· As much room as needed for your group to spread out but not be too far apart.
· Mattresses, cushions, pads, pillows and so on, all covered by sheets and blankets.
· Lots of towels, washcloths, soap, water, paper towels, wet wipes.
· A working stereo with batteries if needed and CDs or tapes.
· Small wastebaskets for used condoms, paper towels, napkins, tissues and so on.
· Pitchers of water and paper cups, juice and other cold drinks, both containing sugar and sugar-free.
· Some snacks and the least messy finger foods, and napkins.
· Safer-sex supplies, lots of different kinds of condoms, lubes, Saran wrap, dams, latex and nonlatex gloves.
· Sex toys, vibrators and dildos if you desire.
· Breath mints, gum.
· Extra sheets, blankets and towels, to replace soiled ones.
· Volunteers.
· Have people undress or artfully dress up.
· Circle up and cast circle as customary or traditional.
· Ground and center well; a grounding meditation follows.
· Make sure that there is peace on the circle (no one has had a fight, no enemies are present and so on).
· Call elements or directions, God, Goddess and fey, as appropriate to the ritual.
· State the purpose of the ritual and get agreement from participants to work at their own comfort level and to take care of and be responsible for themselves.
· Have a symbolic or actual ritual Great Rite with people lending their energies to the cup and athamé or whatever you use. They can do this by synchronized, regulated breathing or chanting or dancing. Don't forget to direct this energy!
· Set up groups of three to four people and do ice-breaking such as dressing one another in lingerie, body painting and decoration, feeding one another, or whatever you come up with.
· Have participants interact with one another by doing semi-directed erotic massage, and more as they are comfortable.
· Ask everyone to attempt to raise sexual energy and focus and direct it to a particular purpose.
· After the energy has been raised and directed and the rite is winding down, ask for those who want to help and close the circle, so the rest of the participants may continue or leave as they wish.
· Clean up, and clear the space used of residual energy.
Take a very slow and deep breath; focus on your breathing and on my words. Continuing to listen, breathe deeply and follow along with me as we ground and energize ourselves. Know that you are safe and protected and that you will get everything that you need from this rite. You will remember everything and participate in a way consistent with your intentions and desire and at your own comfort level.
You will take care of yourself and love yourself and others in the appropriate ways for you. If at any time you experience extreme discomfort, you may open your eyes and stop what you are doing or ask others to stop doing what is bothering you. You are fully empowered to express your sexual energy in a way that is right and good for you and that nurtures and supports you and those around you while in this rite. Always listening to the sound of my voice, if you find yourself in distress, please raise your hand and you will be attended to. Now then, relax and breathe deeply into your body this safety and protection of brilliant golden Aphrodite love and light.
Imagine the luminosity inside your body, softly glowing from within your belly. Believe that it becomes brighter with every breath you take. It gets larger and shines more intensely as you breathe deeply, allowing your mind and body to relax and let go.
Allow yourself to focus your awareness on being inside your body, your energy shining out like a very bright radiance. See yourself glowing incandescent, your energy now emanating out from you in a sparkly reddish golden sphere, and feel a wave of peace wash over you as you know that you are truly divine.
Feel yourself as one with everything around you, the air, the ground beneath your feet, the water all around and in us and the fire of your love and passion and the stars and moon. Breathe into yourself this sense of wonder, of overwhelming love for all, for the earth and the sky, for the all the living things around us, for your fellow man and woman, for your pagan brothers and sisters close to you sharing their energy and this sacrament with you. Know that this is available to you now and any time in the future you want or need it.
Feel yourself at one with the old gods, with lovely and sexy Aphrodite and strong and lusty Pan. Become aware of your heart beating solidly in your chest and your blood rushing through your veins, aware also of your breath moving in and out of your lungs, filling them and emptying them.
Sense the desire rise in you like the quickening of the earth in spring. Be aware of the inner radiance of your energy reaching out of your body now, bathing you with warmth and relaxation and rising up high into the sky and down deeply into the center of the earth.
Experience yourself as firmly rooted in the here and now, present in this time and place. Feel yourself totally and completely in your body, awake and aware of your physical self, my voice and the air around you. Imagine the energy crackling around you like electricity. Be acutely conscious of your all of your senses, your skin tingling, your hearing buzzing, your taste buds and sense of smell all awakening completely.
Feel warmth spread from your genitals, from your first and second chakra areas up to your heart, and allow yourself to experience your arousal as a perfect and divine expression of you and the gods. Come into contact with your love of the God and Goddess and feel it go from inside you, out to them and back to your heart. Know you are loved and accepted and are a perfect divine expression of holy energy in a human body.
Know that your sexual energy is an expression of the divine creative force of the universe and the Goddess made manifest in you. Know deep and profound love, safety and peace all around and inside you.
Connect your energy to the earth and sky with you in perfect balance and harmony. Stay grounded in your body and rooted to the earth. Breath this deeply into yourself and open your eyes.
HPS: Is there peace on the circle?
All: There is peace on the circle.
HPS: I create this circle in this blessed place for the purpose of containing the sexual energy we raise here.
HP: I bind this circle with peace, love and harmony that it be a meeting place of the Goddess and her children.
Fire: I conjure you, element of fire. Fire of transformation, change us, fire of consumption, burn away the old guilt, shame and pain. Fire of love, warm us in your glow. Fire of passion, ignite us, show us the joy of divine ecstasy expressed with generosity, love and compassion. Fire, be with us now.
Water: I conjure you, element of water. Water of life, blood, tears, slick juices, semen, energize us. Water of cleansing, wash away any old fears and our pain; water of emotion, bring to us a new experience of what loving ourselves might feel like; waters of the Mother, nurture and heal us, bathe us in your cleansing wetness. Water, be here now.
Earth: I conjure you, element of Earth. Our beautiful bodies, the bones of Mother Gaia, our refuge, our security. Mother Earth, the life-giver and to whom we return, give us your strength and your solidity. Give us your sensuality and your steadiness and your beauty. Earth Mother, let us rejoice with our bodies and explore the divine gifts that we are so blessed with. Earth, be here now!
Air: I conjure you, element of Air. Whisper to us on the soft spring zephyrs, inspire our imaginations and blow away our false shyness and inhibitions in a good way. Waft softly through our minds, uncovering our secret desires and revealing the Goddess within us all. Air, fill up our lungs with your nurturing, life-giving oxygen and energize us with your power. As we breathe together, let our energy be united in the purpose of this rite. Air, be here now!
· Do an invocation to Aphrodite or other appropriate love and sex Goddess.
· Do a symbolic Great Rite with the cup and athamé, with the group participating through rhythmic breathing and pelvic thrusting. As the Chalice is to the Goddess, the Dagger is to the God; when they are joined together as one, they bring joy, ecstasy, love and blessedness!
· Direct energy to your purpose.
· Make sure there is someone "keeping an eye on" people, watching out for overload, problems and so on. Rotate monitors.
· Perform body decoration, and feed one another goodies, saying, "May you never thirst; may you never hunger." Get into position for erotic massage or sex, or both.
· Begin erotic massage and move into sexual stuff. Continue to direct energy to your goal.
· Have someone designated to keep the time.
· When the time is up, dismiss the circle and clean up. Clear the space energetically after you're done.
Make sure to wipe surfaces down with germ killer. Merry part!
Sylvana SilverWitch is high priestess of Sylvan Grove, writer, artist, psychic reader, counselor, publisher of Widdershins, an SM practitioner and educator, a pleasure activist and a professional tattoo artist and body piercer. She is available for readings, counseling, workshops and classes on many subjects. Contact her at (206) 608-9908 for more information, personal consultations or appointments for tattoos or piercings, or write sylvanas@juno.com.