I was resolutely ready to dislike this book — as I do the majority of current books about sex, sex magick and sexual healing that are written from either an academic or New Age perspective. But — surprise! I didn't. Even though this book has certain elements of those philosophies, I found it to be well-researched, potentially helpful and decently although somewhat simplistically written.
I have been working on my personal sexual issues for many years, not that I have completely resolved them. Do we ever? I found this book to be an empowering look at healing the rift between what we desire and what our cultural mind says we should want, between our own personal truths and the truths we have absorbed about our bodies, sex, relationships and spirituality. Between myth, both cultural and personal, and how we actually relate to one another and the gods.
This book is meant as a therapeutic tool for women — although men could use the information contained in it as a peek into women's sexual mysteries, and a really smart man could then use that information to enhance his relationships with the women in his life. I did not agree with some of Linda's more simplistic conclusions such as "Women want to be known rather than used" and "Women want to be adored as precious feminine beings." Yes, these statements are true for some women, but certainly not all! Or maybe not all the time. So men, don't necessarily swallow the information in this hook, line and sinker!
A lot of the values here are familiar to me, as a pleasure activist myself; I am overly familiar with some of the notions, including those in the chapter introducing concepts around women's lack of sexual desire. I wanted to tell Linda that some of us have known for years that the patriarchal fear of women's sexual power was the driving force behind the majority of the sexual repression in history, as well as in the current sexual climate. Though this idea is not news, Linda presents it in a way that makes a lot of sense, and the information serves as a reminder where all that nastiness comes from.
Linda uses storytelling, based on some ancient mythology as well as more current examples, to illustrate her points chapter by chapter. The stories are interspersed with modern case histories, comparing and contrasting behavior and effects. She also puts side by side the stages of a woman's life with the three phases of the Goddess, which I tend to identify with myself, having now been through both the Maiden and the Mother stages.
Some untraditional roles that I find important are not represented here, which I found somewhat disturbing. This book is fairly mainstream as far as gender roles and orientation. There's not much beyond the feminine deity for the lesbian reader to identify with, and although bisexuality is treated briefly, the book's premises tend to be fairly hetero oriented.
Once the information about the who, where and why has been presented, there's a segment about what to do about all of it. I always appreciate the specific how-to, so I find this valuable. When you are attempting change, sometimes it's difficult to know, see or remember what you can or should do in a given circumstance. For me, specific instructions are always useful, whether or not I end up using them.
I would recommend this book, with some caveats. Sexuality can play an important part in the Craft, paganism and Goddess worship, and healing sexuality and the mind-body connection are important tools toward self-expression, actualization and magickal proficiency. This book can assist in those processes, with exercises designed to aid you in building intimacy as well as working techniques for awakening desire and enhancing sexual pleasure, both important steps in the journey.
My biggest quarrel with this book is that Linda Savage is a sex therapist. That means the experiences she bases her theories on (as she says early on in the book) are those of people having problems, sexually dysfunctional women who are coming to therapy because of some crisis situation. As often in such books, this leaves out of the equation the sexually functional, which is what makes me question these books. You can find plenty of good information here and some great basic communication and trust-building instruction useful to any couple. But some things I found less useful. For example, I don't find affirmations particularly helpful, and I don't believe thinking about or saying something is exactly the same thing as doing it.
Savage rounds out her book with a chapter on detailed techniques designed for relaxation and arousal, such as erotic massage, and a chapter that points us toward spiritual sexuality as an alternative to the cultural sexual rut we may be in.
I would suggest this book for any basically straight woman who is dealing with issues around sex, sexuality or sexual relationships. You can read it in a weekend. But you could also take the Body Electric's Body Erotic weekend workshop and get the same information and maybe better results.
If you can't get there, though, this book is a pretty good alternative, and that's saying a lot.
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