The theme of this issue of Widdershins is pagan families. Not having come from a pagan family I decided to turn to what the media calls our "extended family": television. How are pagans, in particular witches, being portrayed on TV? And what is the TV genealogy of the current portrayals of witches on television? And, most importantly, are any of the shows with witches worth watching?
Before diving into the shows, let me talk a little bit about magic. This being television, all the magic is "Hollywood Magic." The witches are all fake, the rituals (when they even have them) are mostly made up and all their magic is the flashy flying-through-the-air and making-things-appear kind of magic that real witches only do while under the influence of strong hallucinogenic drugs.
Witches on TV and in movies are flashy and probably always will be. It is much more interesting that way. The everyday lives of real witches acting in realistic ways are pretty boring, just like the everyday lives of real people everywhere. If you are one of those pagans who think that this is bad "because it portrays an unrealistic view of witches" then TV-W shows are not for you. You should probably curl up with your copy of Drawing Down the Moon and pop your PBS tape of The Burning Times in the VCR. You will be much happier that way.
If, on the other hand, you are not bothered by overblown, hokey rituals and think it would be really fun to do flashy magic, then your TV options are getting better.
The first and longest running of the current TV-W programs is Sabrina the Teenage Witch (Fridays, 9-9:30 PM, ABC-4). Sabrina was a typical teenager until her 16th birthday when her eccentric aunts, Zelda and Hilda, came out to her as witches and told her that she was also a witch. The series has Sabrina going on with her teenage life of school, clothes, fitting in, and boys while learning magic first from her magic book (a gift from her witch father) and later from her quizmaster. Of course she gets into all sorts of trouble with her magic and hijinks ensue.
First and foremost, Sabrina is a comedy. It is the television '90s love child of Bewitched and plays everything for laughs. The magic is completely unrealistic and the situations unbelievable. Once in a while, they will try to address a social issue but it is always done in a funny way.
I give Sabrina a 4 (out of 5) Cauldron rating. It is really funny if you like slapstick and the jokes aren't half bad. I always liked Bewitched and find Sabrina a worthy successor. As with the other two witch shows, Sabrina gets fairly good ratings and is destined to leave millions of people with mistaken, but favorable, impressions of witches.
The second show we are going to look at is the newest of the witch shows: Charmed (Wednesdays, 9-10 PM, WB-22) "Locked away in the dusty attic of a grand Victorian mansion lies an old, weathered book. This ancient tome will severely alter the destiny of the three sisters who were meant to discover it." The premise and a lot of the situations on this show are strangely similar to those on Sabrina. There are 3 sisters, Prue, Piper, and Phoebe Halliwell, who lead normal American lives until they discover that they are really witches from a family of witches. Like Sabrina, they often wish that they could go back to being their normal non-witch selves and like Sabrina they learn their magic from a big book.
Unfortunately, they are not like Sabrina in that Sabrina is funny. Sabrina wants to be normal because her boyfriend might turn into a frog if she kisses him or because her family curse means she will be hopelessly addicted to pancakes if she eats any. The Halliwell sisters, on the other hand, want to be normal because being witches is weird and the responsibilities of power interfere with their dating prospects. Charmed is a serious show so when the Halliwells whine, it is just boring.
Charmed is the TV descendant of the movie The Craft and one of those Gen-X relationship angst shows like Party of Five or Beverly Hills: 90210 (which Shannen Doherty, -- Prue -- starred on). Unlike many witches, I actually liked The Craft. I found it a nice morality tale about why you should not abuse your power. It even portrayed just what many pagans will tell you could happen if you cast unwilling love spells. Charmed lacks those moral dimensions.
The magical setting is odd. With the first episode being titled "Something Wicca This Way Comes," they were clearly aiming at an audience that at least knows something about real paganism. The rituals that they cast from their Book of Shadows use basic forms that sound like they came out of a Scott Cunningham book, modified to fit the plot, of course. There is, however, a certain amount of mythological confusion.
Most of the time, Hecate is the Witches' Goddess whom they invoke in ritual. In one episode, however, She is the evil groom-stealing demon they are fighting against. Also, someone needs to teach them how to pronounce Hecate. It is "hek-a-tay". They always say "hek-ate" as in "Hey, what was that thing that Heck ate for dinner?"
Of course, that doesn't come up very often. They hardly ever do that kind of vaguely real magic. Most of the time, they are like comic book superheroes and only use their "special powers." Since early advertising claimed that the Halliwells would be "the most powerful good witches ever shown on television," let's look at what they can actually do.
Prue has your basic telekinesis. She moves things with her mind and probably uses her power to the best advantage of any of the sisters. Piper has the interesting sounding ability to "stop time." Unfortunately, it affects so small an area and for such a short period of time that no time paradoxes ever arise. And while stopping time is useful, it never occurs to Piper that it would be really useful if she used her ability repeatedly to keep people frozen for longer periods of time. Finishing the circle is Phoebe who has uncontrolled visions of the future. The visions are true (assuming she does not act on them) making her the only witch who might live up to the ad. Sabrina (not to mention the likes of true powerhouses like Samantha) is orders of magnitude more powerful than any of them.
Charmed is basically a relationship show with magic thrown in to make it a little different. The witches would clearly be happier without magic and it shows. If you like that kind of program, as the rating show many people do, you may like Charmed. I don't, and removed it from my VCR's program list after six weeks when I couldn't take the whining anymore. I give it 1 Cauldron.
The last show we will look at is Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Tuesdays, 8-9 PM, WB-22). Buffy is not a witch show and the witch is not the main character. Buffy is a vampire slayer. She lives in Sunnydale, a small California town coincidentally located above the "Hell Mouth," and fights evil of all sorts, but specializes in vampires. She is aided by her three companions: Giles, Xander, and Willow. Willow is an up and coming witch.
Buffy has an interesting history when it comes to witches. When the very second episode had an evil, life sucking witch as the villain Buffy had to fight, a lot of pagans wrote the show off. The show quickly realized their mistake and guest starred a good witch who was Wiccan and cast a few spells for them. When that went well, they introduced a new computer teacher at Sunnydale High School. She was gypsy, a witch, and a techno-pagan (aimed directly at the Internet pagans who had spurned the show after Episode Two). She was also Giles' love interest so she was a recurring character. Unfortunately, after a season or so, she was killed by the vampires. By that time, it was apparent that having someone, preferably a witch, around to cast spells for the good side was a good idea. They needed a new witch and Willow, the computer geek sidekick, stepped in. She has spent most of one season learning magic and is now an invaluable part of the vampire slaying team.
Buffy is a modern sister show to Xena: Warrior Princess. If you like powerful, kick-butt women fighting evil, you shouldn't miss Buffy. Although many pagans would consider this heresy, I think it is actually a better show than Xena. Its mythologies are better thought out than Xena's everything-and-the-kitchen-sink approach, although Xena obviously has more actual pagan mythology. Buffy's bigger cast of characters allows them more and deeper personalities than on Xena. Buffy is not as all-powerful as Xena, allowing for better drama. She loses sometimes and has to make the really tough choices that Xena never faces.
Buffy isn't a comedy, but unlike Charmed, it is well-written so it is still enjoyable. It is serious fantasy television done well. The characters have personality and depth and don't whine all that often. The characters also grow and change. Buffy, herself, has changed so much from her initial cheerleader self that the show had to make another cheerleader (Cordelia) important. They needed someone who could still make those "I am the chosen one, and I choose to shop!" jokes that help lighten the mood and that made the original Buffy movie so popular. Like any TV show, some of the plots are stupid, but most are good. The continuing story behind the episodes is always interesting and last season's climax was the best television I can remember. Buffy gets the full 5 Cauldrons and a permanent spot on my VCR list.
Witches, pagans, and pagan things are in. Hercules spawned Xena and Xena spawned Buffy. The success of Sabrina (and the spirit of I Dream of Jeannie) inspired the now cancelled genie show You Wish!. Xena and Buffy together begat that ill-fated Celtic vampire fighting summer replacement Roar. Young Hercules and an as yet unnamed Buffy spin-off starring Angel (Buffy's vampiric love interest) are both in the works. TV-W is hot and we should enjoy it while it lasts.
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