Pagan Terms

by Sylvana SilverWitch

humor

• 1st Degree: A person who gets to do all the work.
• 2nd Degree: A person who gets to complain about the 1st degrees and the High Priestess.
• 3rd Degree: A person who never shows up at rituals.
• Athame: A ritual knife; the bigger the knife, the less power the bearer has.
• Book of Shadows: A messy, handwritten book that contains copies of everyone else's rituals.
• Ceremonial Magician: Someone with bad hygiene habits, who reads Crowley, takes drugs and practices looking menacing.
• Circle: Some assemblage of people standing or sitting in an uneven, or oval shape.
• Coven: A bunch of people who fight like family and get together several times a month to party.
• Crowley: A weird guy whom lots of people worship because he died a syphilitic drug addict. (Kinda like Curt Cobain and Elvis).
• Full Moon: Any Saturday that occurs sometime close to the actual calendar full moon.
• High Priest: Whoever the High Priestess is sleeping with this week.
• High Priestess: A self-appointed leader; must be bossy, opinionated and have a large ego.
• Initiation: Status that you receive after a big party held in your honor.
• Magick: Any weird result after you do a spell or ritual for something; may or may not have anything to do with what you were working for.
• Maiden: An ambitious 2nd degree (usually a womyn) who aspires to be High Priestess, so she can do things right!
• New Moon: A chance for the High Priestess to get really drunk and sleep with (and initiate) a new High Priest.
• Pagan: A person who wears tie dye and practices the party religion.
• Pagan Standard Time: If a ritual is scheduled for 6pm, people show up around 9, and the ritual finally gets started at 10:30.
• Pagan Daylight Time: If a ritual is scheduled for noon, everyone usually shows up before dark.
• Ritual: A reason to assemble with others, kvetch and eventually have some sort of ceremony.
• Ritual Wear: A flashy dress or outfit that makes the wearer look like an actor in a bad fantasy movie.
• Sabbat: Any Saturday close to the actual day, excuse for a big party.
• Wiccan: Conservative person who wears normal clothes, lots of jewelry, recycles everything and used to be a witch.
• Witch: Someone who wears lots of black and jewelry, reads Gardner and practices the party religion.

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