Fucking. Licking. Sucking. Coming. Making love.
As pagans, many of us believe that acts of love and pleasure are acts of the Goddess. Many of us also believe that keeping both the Earth and ourselves healthy are responsibilities that flow from viewing Nature as divine. Given this, it seems that there are few things our gods would smile on more than safer sex. This article is going to teach you how you can do your part to prevent the spread of disease while having as much or more pleasure during sex as always. Welcome to the world of hot sex and cool latex!
So, why use safer sex? Basically, because one in six people in the United States are infected with some sort of STD. Latex barriers such as condoms, oral barriers and gloves can block transmission of pathogens such as HIV and can also protect you and your partner against a host of other illnesses such as HPV, chlamydia, herpes, hepatitis and so on.
In a nutshell, the basic idea behind safer sex is to prevent the transmission of body fluids from one partner to another. The basic idea behind making safer sex *feel good* is to use plenty of water-based lube and to choose quality latex barriers.
Let's talk about condoms first. Between masturbating your partner, going down on your partner and fucking your partner, fucking is clearly the easiest way to transmit or receive an STD if no barrier is being used. And this means both anal fucking and vaginal fucking. So if you get nothing else out of this article, get that latex condoms need to be worn on penises during intercourse.
To start with, choose a quality latex condom. Sheepskin condoms don't protect against HIV, and many people report problems with the polyurethane male condoms (though using polyurethane condoms, or wearing a sheepskin condom and a latex condom simultaneously, are good options if you or your partner are allergic to latex). Try a bunch of different brands and select one that works well for you; masturbating with them can help you make your choice and additionally can help you eroticize condoms. Many people find that Japanese condoms such as Kimono MicroThins feel good, taste good and work well.
When you put on your condom, make sure you're putting it on right-side-up. Be sure to roll it all the way down (holding the tip of the condom as you do so), and (except for fellatio) be sure to smear plenty of water-based lube (such as ForPlay or ID) on the outside of the condom.
After ejaculation, the male should withdraw while his penis is still hard, holding the base of the condom so it doesn't slide off, and then fold it in a tissue and toss it in the trash. Some men find that the sensation transmitted to them is increased if they put a drop of water-based lube inside the tip of the condom before unrolling it and putting it on.
Be sure to use only water-based lubes with latex barriers; oil-based lubes (such as massage oil, Vaseline, Crisco and so on) break down latex in short order. If you're using dildos, you can put condoms on them to keep them clean and prevent anything from being transmitted to the next lucky person the dildo gets inserted into. If you're a woman and are going to be engaging in anal sex, be sure the old condom is removed and a new condom is put on if your partner wants to switch from your anus to your vagina. And, of course, if you're having a Beltaine orgy, be sure to use a new condom for each new partner!
If you're going to engage in any fellatio, make sure the condom you've chosen doesn't contain Nonoxynol-9. In fact, you might want to avoid Nonoxynol-9 altogether: many people are allergic to it, it hasn't proven itself to be as effective in STD prevention as it was originally hoped to be, and it tastes HORRIBLE. In general, if you want to improve the way latex barriers taste, your best bet is to (obviously) avoid licking barriers that are coated with powder, Nonoxynol-9, or any similarly distasteful substance, and perhaps to lightly coat the outside of your barrier with some non-fat sweetener such as honey.
So, oral sex on men is pretty simple: just use a condom. But what about oral sex on women? To go down on a woman safely, you need to use an "oral barrier," which is a flat piece of latex placed over the vulva. There are two big secrets to making this feel great: 1.) Use a quality barrier, such as Glyde, and 2.) put a little water-based lube on the woman's side of the barrier, to increase the sensation transmitted to her.
The Glyde latex barriers (available from better sex supply shops or through mail-order) are a Goddess-send. They're thinner than the traditional "dental dams," they're larger, and they taste better. And regardless of the type of barrier you choose, putting the lube on your partner's clitoris before applying the barrier and eating her out lets so much more sensation get through to her that Mother Earth may move.
If you just have to give your lover head and there aren't any Glyde barriers around, your second-best bet is Saran Wrap; apply lube to the vulva or anus, then wrap the Saran Wrap around your partner's waist, between his or her legs, and around the waist again. Voila. If you're going to be licking someone's anus (analingus), you can use an oral barrier over it in just the same way you do for cunnilingus.
Finally, we get to gloves. Not all safer sex educators think these are necessary, but I personally love the look, feel and extra degree of safety they provide when I have my hand and/or fingers in a lover's vagina or ass. You can get a box of latex "examination" gloves from almost any drug store. Just be sure you get ones that fit you, and be sure to rinse any powder off the outside of them if you want your partner to suck on or lick your gloved fingers. If you have long fingernails, you will want to either clip them short or pack cotton balls around them before putting on your gloves.
Always be sure to use plenty of water-based lube on the outside of your gloves before putting your hand in someone's chosen "tunnel of love." And as before, use either a different hand, a different glove, or a different finger for the vagina if you were just pleasuring the anus. Finally, if you want to be extra careful, you can wear gloves whenever you're masturbating your partner's penis or clitoris.
If you'd like to learn more about safer sex, and about what resources are available in Seattle, Portland and the rest of the nation for the sexually adventurous, check out the Society for Human Sexuality World Wide Web page at http://www.sexuality.org/ If you aren't on the Internet and don't know anyone who is, go to your local bookstore and buy or special-order a copy of The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans. If you'd like to watch a video that features hot safer sex, I recommend Safe is Desire, which you can order through the mail or (if you're in Seattle) rent from Scarecrow Video or Toys in Babeland. Any of these resources will set you on the right track.
Happy loving, and happy Beltaine!
Safer sex resources
Information Lines
San Francisco Sex Information: (415) 989-7374. You can call this number from 3 p.m. to 9 p.m. Monday through Friday to ask any question you wish on any aspect of sexuality. For free. And anonymously.
Seattle Sex Information: (206) 328-7711. Similar to San Francisco Sex Information, but based in Seattle. This free service is run by Planned Parenthood.
National STD Hotline: (800) 227-8922. This hotline is a source of solid, up-to-date information on STDs and how to prevent them.
Supplies
Toys in Babeland: (206) 328-2914. This is a great women-owned sex supply shop that is very comfortable for both women and men. They have a mail-order catalog, but if you're in Seattle we strongly urge you to visit their store at 711 E Pike. Toys in Babeland is Seattle's best source for sex toys, books, and lube. Hours are Tuesday through Sunday noon to 8 p.m..
The Rubber Tree: (206) 633-4750. This store is a great source for quality condoms and Glyde oral barriers at very reasonable prices. They have a mail-order catalog, but if you're in Seattle you can visit their store in person at 4426 Burke N. Hours are Monday through Friday 10 a.m. to 7 p.m., Saturday 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., and Sunday noon to 5 p.m.
Note: One thing we haven't mentioned in this article is the Reality female condom, which many people love to use for vaginal and anal intercourse; you can buy them at either of the above shops if you'd like to give them a try.
Contraception
Planned Parenthood: (206) 328-7700. This article has been about STD prevention, not birth control. If you don't have an effective means of birth control, give Planned Parenthood a call. The number shown is for the Seattle clinic; if you live elsewhere, call 1-800-230-PLAN for more information.
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