Every year, we hold a gathering the first Friday in July, in Northern California. This past year, we called it Ravenwood and held it on Mount Tamalpais in Marin County. We conducted a multitraditional handfasting. The Lady wanted representatives from her other traditions to participate. Often, this can lead to a really muddled mish-mash, as well as confusion for both the guests and the participants, let alone the ego hassles of "We don't do it that way."
In the first place, it behooves us to remember the difference between witches and heathens. To us, a witch is clergy (or in training for the clergy). All witches are heathens, but all heathens are not witches, nor do all of them want to be witches. Many of us are working with people who are happy to be heathen but do not want to devote the time and effort it takes to become clergy.
It is also important to remember that we are not intercessors for our "flocks," but facilitators. A handfasting is a rite of passage, and it is very important that well-thought-out theurgy underlie the event. After all, the rites of passage are what distinguish one religion from another. Heathen weddings also seem to be just as celebratory as any other - maybe more so. We also like to make them participatory. This is another problem at large gatherings: how to be participatory without being boring and dissipating the energy. We had about 50 people at the handfasting, not overwhelming but a logistical challenge nonetheless.
To begin with, we all gathered in a circle. We had a Lady, a Lord, a Priestess, a Priest, a lord and a lady for each quarter and a bagpiper. The Lady was escorted to the circle by the lords of the four quarters and elements to the strains of the piper. The circle was cast and hallowed. The couple pledged their troth and made vows to each other. Their vows included their commitment to each other: not because the church or the state had made them or influenced them to vow, but because they wanted to be together and wanted us to know it.
At this point, the Priestess gave the couple her blessing, and then the Priest gave his blessing. A Priest of the Ordo Templi Orientis (OTO) read briefly from The Book of the Law, and then the High Priestess of the Lord's coven had everyone ingather to touch and charge and receive the hammer while the Priestess said, "By the power of the gods and the witnesses here assembled, I now proclaim Bran and Rowan united for as long as love shall last."
We then had a procession in which everyone followed the couple to each quarter, led by the piper. The quarters had been set up in advance in the woods with elemental altars about 50 to 100 feet out from the circle. The handfasted couple and the procession were greeted and blessed by the lord and lady of each quarter and element in turn.
At the end of this, all the women followed the Priestess and the Lord, and all the men followed the Priest and the Lady to the bower in the woods. While the couple performed the Great Rite, all the men were on one side, and all the women were on the other, chanting, singing and yelling encouragement. The consummation complete, the couple emerged and were toasted by the Priestess and Priest. The assembly then formed a circle around the couple for individual toasts.
At this point, it is important to describe our technique for making this work. At most handfastings I've attended, the couple works their way around the circle and only those close to them can hear what's said, and everybody else strains to hear or starts talking to their neighbors and the focus is lost.
To prevent this in our circle, the couple is on display in the center. The Priest fills a horn for the couple to share and then fills a larger horn for the Priestess to take around the circle. The Priestess takes the horn to the oldest person present for the first toast. We do this because we have a great deal of respect for our elders. The eldest's toast made, the Priestess continues deosil with the horn around the circle and each person attending can toast, congratulate or tell an amusing anecdote about the couple. It is a very moving experience. Having the couple in the center means the person making the toast has everyone's attention and usually speaks louder, and people can see and hear better. It also improves the energy and the experience.
Most of what I've outlined is very simple, and it is really based on years of critiquing other rituals. Try critiquing your own before you do them. That too can be a rewarding experience.
While the handfasting I describe had only sympathetic attendees, we need to concern ourselves with mundane attendees as well. However, do not do a ritual based on how it affects them. Stick to your traditions and be tolerant.
Amaranth Energines first did a public ritual at Summer Solstice 1978 in Dayton Ohio. A lot of our friends were curious as to what we were about, and we had also invited two reporters and a photographer from the local daily paper to observe our ritual. When the reporters showed up, my father gruffly challenged them, "Are you pagans?" They looked at him blankly and came on in.
Years later, at Starwood '84, a naked willowy blond came up and gave my father a good long hug. She told him that he probably wouldn't remember her, but she was one of the reporters who had attended our solstice celebration. Back then, she didn't even know what the word "pagan" meant, and now she and her girlfriend were both witches and had their own covens, and they credited my father with setting them on the path. I cite this incident only as an example of successful public outreach.
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