Staying Sober and Pagan

Reconciling the Gods and the "God of Your Understanding"

by Wulfgar Gregarsson

After treatment and even during, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA) are the suggested tools for "clean" living, as few people with a dependency problem can remain sober without some kind of a program. I have been around and involved in magick and paganism since my early teens, and from the first time I "got clean" (I was 18), I have seen, felt and dealt with the problems and obstacles of being a pagan in "the program." I have in the past amassed years of sobriety, but I am once again fresh in recovery and direct the following to others in similar situations.

When you first go to a meeting, go in, sit down and listen! At some point, getting a sponsor is recommended. A sponsor is like an older experienced sibling who will guide you through the program. If you are not lucky enough to get a pagan sponsor, find a nonpagan sponsor whom you trust and identify with. A sponsor should be tolerant of your personal convictions and wise enough to help with the struggle of the everyday stuff that comes up. A sponsor should encourage you to do the 12 steps, as well as guide you through them.

AA was begun on the premise that after years of substance abuse we become powerless over our addictions. With that, we find ourselves godless, but then in AA and NA seek to find a "God of our understanding." This may be difficult, to say the least. For many, this "God" is the wretched, earth-flooding, sky-talking, vengeful, guilt- giving god of their parents. (Not someone I would want to rely on.) For others, "God" is an abstract concept, with no foundation in reality.

For a pagan, this call to find a "God of their understanding" can be a welcome and liberating experience _ until we go to a meeting. Some in AA or NA still equate "God" with the god of the Bible. To a pagan of experience, this "God" may reek of the god of Abraham. Many times, I have sat in a meeting and had to listen to tales of someone's personal experience of finding "God" and the redemption that followed. It can often make it a difficult time for us to be "out" of the broom closet, when new in the program.

Pagans may not find it easy to take when the word "He" is used to describe this "God," especially when we read in the steps where we seek awareness of "His" will for us. That's difficult for many to swallow and most certainly for a pagan. Many nonpagans in AA and NA, like most of the rest of society, think our pantheistic religion a crock and a sham. They do not understand that we have and hold a very strong and personal relationship with nature, with our gods and with our clergy.

When getting to know others in the program, it's a good idea to let only those who sincerely reach out to help you know of your religious convictions and spiritual path. Remember that people in the program have their own value systems and are often ignorant and intolerant of that which they consider non-Christian.

There also exists in AA and NA the concept of "higher power"; this concept I found to be just what I needed to get beyond the blockage that I had with the idea of "God." The concept of higher power can, for pagans, be what helps us get beyond Step 1.

Some of us have personal deities that we worship or align ourselves with, and in the 12 steps there is a point where we learn to turn it over to our gods, to rely on them to help us when we are in need , when we are weak.

I believe that the gods are concerned with mankind's well-being and that they seek to commune with us, and if we need their help to stay sober, then we should ask them. The 12 step programs work, and the "god parts" can really hold some of us back. But remember that "God" is left open to interpretation, and if we look at the 12 steps through pagan eyes, they are relevant to who we are, where we are in life and who or what we choose to call god.

Being a pagan in a Christian world is difficult enough for most. Top that with substance abuse and then recovery in a program created by men with the concept of recovery with reliance on "God" and wow, you can sure feel like a square peg in a round hole! But keep an open mind and try to be tolerant of other people's ideas, especially if they are helping them stay clean.

The 12 Steps of AA

1. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol _ that our lives had become unmanageable."

2. "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

3. "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him."

4. "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

5. "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs."

6. "We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

7. "Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings."

8. "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all."

9. "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except where to do so would injure them or others."

10. "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it."

11. "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our concious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out."

12. "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

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