As pagans, we lie somewhere outside of mainstream America's values. This can help us learn tolerance for other marginalized groups. But a calling higher than tolerance is understanding.
I would like to share with you a few fringe practices that are very dear to my heart, and which may have meaning to other pagans as well. They have been misrepresented to us by patriarchal religions, and I believe now is the time to reclaim them.
Please see the Seattle Sexual Resource Guide for more information on these activities.
Responsible Non-Monogamy
Unfortunately, our society has a number of derogatory terms for adults who choose to love more than one adult, and it applies those terms regardless of the levels of honesty between the participants.
It can be argued that monogamy is an anti-woman standpoint: Monogamy saddles women with having at most one partner to help with child-rearing (a task that may have been shared by an entire tribe in less savage times) and encourages males to consider women's bodies, sexualities and wombs as property. Is it any coincidence that monogamy is one of the most heavily promoted icons of right-wing Christianity?
Responsible non-monogamy has a special relationship to paganism. When many of us gather, we gather in a circle. No member is closer to the center of the circle than any other; we are an intimate network in perfect love and perfect trust. What better way to incorporate these ideals into our everyday lives than to form a trusting, caring circle for our loving selves!
Bisexuality
If you are attracted to both genders (whether you act on your attractions or not, and whether you are attracted to the genders equally or not), you are bisexual.
Bisexuality is a powerful metaphor for many aspects of pagan belief. For example, we say that the God and Goddess are immanent in each of us. Overcoming bi-phobia (whether or not one chooses to identify as bisexual) may assist in making peace with one's male and female energies. In the study of Greek mythology, there are those who argue that Dionysus is representative of bisexuality. Additionally, bisexuality has special meaning in light of esoteric Tantra teachings: that the goal of meditation and yoga should be the blissful unification of the female Kundalini energy at the base of the spine with the male Shiva energy near the top of the chakra system.
Ultimately, the majority of our sexual orientation may be fixed long before puberty. The question for many of us is to what degree any attraction we might have for one gender or another is repressed. The question for others is how we can be more at ease with all the people, whether or not we choose to be sexual with them. Examining bisexuality may help one accomplish this.
BD/SM
Sexual play involving bondage and discipline (BD) and sadomasochism (SM) is about the consensual interchange of power and energy between a "top" and a "bottom". This can take the form of intense sensation (SM) or of restrictions in movement (bondage). In modern BD/SM play, the bottom has a "safe word," which when used will stop play instantly. Thus modern play is always consensual.
Many women and men find BD/SM play to be a powerful way to enjoy their bodies and to reclaim their power. Others see it as a spiritual activity. There are many spiritual traditions (Sioux, traditional Gardnerian Wicca, esoteric Hinduism, etc.) that use intense sensation similar to that employed by SM practitioners as a route to spiritual transformation.
The local BD/SM community is one of the most compassionate communities I have ever known and has facilitated tremendous spiritual advancement for me. If you are interested in BD/SM, I would encourage you to use the appropriate section of my Seattle Sexual Resource Guide to find your way to the best of it.
Blessed Be, and Happy Beltaine!
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