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by Freya Ray
I am a professional psychic. I love the work for the endless variety of people it brings me into close contact with. People's life experiences, and the questions they have about them, continue to fascinate me year after year.
However, for some bizarre and as yet unexplained reason, the strangers who write to me over the Internet with questions but no intention of paying for a reading offer very little variety in their queries. I mean, the questions are bizarre when compared to the kinds of things one is going to encounter at the office, but probably 85 percent of the "Hey will you give me free advice" e-mails I get fall into three categories.
In an attempt to quit repeating myself once and for all, I would like to dispense my free advice on these three categories in this article. I'm not sure whether the information presented will be of use to you, but hey, it's free. And at the very least, I'll have a document from which to cut and paste replies into my e-mails for years to come.
Random Internet Plea #1
Dear Freya,
Lately I have been feeling like someone has put a hex on me and I feel like I have lost a piece of myself. I am not as spiritual and creative as I used to be. Sometimes there is a burning or rotting smell. I feel like someone is sucking my soul/energy. I've had such a POWERFUL experience of terror in the last few months -- almost feels like psychic death or something. I don't know how else to describe it except to say that I feel dead. I don't know how to get myself back.
Sincerely,
One Too Many Rounds with a Ouija Board
Dear One Too Many,
Allow me to introduce you to an old, old concept: possession. You have a critter, probably bigger than a breadbox. I mean...it's very common to have a beastie of a reasonable size that is carried around for years with only a small diminishing of joie de vivre. However, what you have is as big as you, it's in you, and it's sucking the life out of you. In all probability, it's running the show most of the time. I'm not entirely sure how it managed to let you write this letter, except that it (probably correctly) doesn't think you'll follow up with any advice I give you.
Let me address that in more detail. When you are possessed, there is a creature that is getting its life energy from you. It does not want to leave. No thank you, it's found a warm and tasty home, and has no desire to go into the light with Carol Anne. It is controlling your actions, decisions, energy levels and moods. When you have a desire to rid yourself of it, it is going to fight back with fatigue, depression, headaches/migraines, physical pain, fear, mistrust of the healer and anything else it can throw at you.
As a result, I strongly encourage you to take action immediately. This sort of problem is not one that goes away on its own. It is not remedied by a change of scenery or some time in the ashram. Burning sage and taking Rescue Remedy isn't going to cut it either. You need to make a decisive decision to act and follow through with it no matter what. That's step 1. Muster all your will to get rid of this forever.
Step 2 is to find someone who can help you. If you're a member of an Appalachian Christian sect, the other members of your congregation have probably already noticed the problem and started having prayer-vigil exorcisms on your behalf. As I understand it, Mormons have a mechanism for siccing some elders on your interloper. And Catholics are the reigning kings of exorcism; seeking out a priest is always a good strategy. A caveat on the Catholics: They went through a period of time where they stopped officially training priests in exorcism and pretty much denied publicly that they do them. I think it was a modern age PR thing. It might be hard to find a priest who will admit that the Church has help to offer, much less find one who can help you. However, they have BIG juju and a huge support network for the priests, and recently have started teaching this skill again in Rome. So be persistent if this is the route you choose.
Alternately, if you're not open to the Christian thing, you can try to find a healer/witch/woo-woo person to help you. I recommend caution when taking this route, as the road to health is littered with scam artists. It can be very hard to tell the difference between "Sure, I'll take that off you for $1200" and "You can't pay me enough to take that off you. Well, maybe for a grand." Your intuition is severely compromised by being possessed. Even with all your faculties intact, skill is difficult to assess from without. Exorcism is risky, and carries the possibility of the healer having permanent health damage, suddenly white hair, drained energy reserves, being possessed themselves, and more. It can take years for a healer to mostly recover from a difficult exorcism. So yeah, they should charge a lot. But only if they're actually capable of making it go away. And how do you tell?
I know one healer who I can recommend for this. He works in Montana, remotely. Write me for his info. if you find yourself in this situation.
You can also ask around in your community. Get a couple of references for anyone you're considering using -- not just one friend who's a fan of theirs. Do what you can to try and differentiate between what the spirit says and what your instincts say. If the spirit hates them, that's probably a good sign. I'm sorry that I can't tell you something simple like "if they demand money up front and won't promise results, walk away." Possessed people have a tendency to get into the middle of an exorcism and lose the will to go on. This leaves the healer, already drained from battle, with a client who just ran to their car and left scorched rubber in the air trying to get away with their demons intact. I'd ask for prepayment and make no promises too, if I were willing to take on the level of crap that goes with this work. But there are people who do it, and you can find them by working your community's network or seeking out a priest.
I said "making it go away" is what a healer should do. I did not say "keeping it away." That's your job. You're going to have to make lifestyle changes. Big ones.
On occasion, possession happens through no fault of your own. Illness or surgery can render you weak and susceptible to invasion. Eugene Maurey, the author of Exorcism: How to Clear at a Distance a Spirit Possessed Person, calls this "involuntary possession." In this case, get yourself cleared and do what you can to protect yourself energetically. Also, focus on getting your health back so you no longer look like an easy target.
Most cases of possession involve some form of rank stupidity on the part of the possessed. I do not say this with judgment, as I could entertain you for long hours on a wintry fireside night with stories of my own rank stupidity, and what it has cost me in my life. I say this with the kind of love that slaps your face when you just won't snap out of it. Snap out of it!
Here are some of the things that can lead to possession:
· Messing around with a Ouija Board, automatic writing, séances, or any other form of talking to spirits without really, really knowing what you're doing.
· Drug or alcohol abuse. Why don't you just wave a flag around saying "Hello! There's no one minding the store. Come on in and take over my mind, I don't care!"
· Extreme loneliness without getting out of the house to cure it. Get therapy, join a bridge group or find a hobby that involves real people. If you fester in your loneliness too long, any company can start seeming better than no company. That sense of "someone there" can be welcome rather than a warning sign in this state.
· Extreme grief can also lead to possession. Seek support and help, and make sure you keep moving through your feelings instead of wallowing in them. Also, try to remember that the person has passed on and needs to move on. You are helping no one by offering up your body as a transitional home for a dead person. This does not bring them back to life -- it keeps them from their next life.
· Desire for creativity, power, or other things you should find in yourself. I had one person insisting that she had to continue doing her automatic writing because she wrote such good poetry that way. This was a trick on the part of a spirit trying to get in, and it was good bait. She was opening the doors and welcoming him to set up shop inside her.
· Indulging your rage. It's healthy to feel anger and express it appropriately. Allowing your anger to feed on itself, giving you that thrill of powerful energy, is another matter. It makes you a tempting target because you're so easy to control.
The best way to avoid possession and getting repossessed is to have a full, healthy life. Make a community for yourself. Don't let yourself get too weird. Have interests, hobbies and passions that you share with others. Get counseling or energy work or hypnotherapy or DNA activation or a life coach or whatever it is you need in order to get your life on track. There is nothing good a disembodied spirit is going to bring into your life. Get Maurey's book and read up on effects of possession if you're not clear on what a world of suck this can bring you.
Most of all, good luck to you. I know you would not have written your letter if you didn't want to be free. The joy and vitality you remember feeling can be yours again. Do not stop or relent once you engage in the fight to liberate yourself, as any waffling only strengthens your foe. Make a choice, follow through with it, make some lifestyle changes, and the world will again be your gentle lover.
Random Internet Plea #2
Dear Freya,
I am dating a wonderful girl, whom I love very much. She told me about her child sexual abuse experience. At first we had a pretty normal, happy relationship, and I made the mistake of overlooking her inner scars, thinking she was all right. Then her past emerged again. She stopped wanting to have any physical relationship with me. I don't know what to do to help her. The more I try to reach out for her, the more she refuses to have any contact with me.
Sincerely,
Nice Guy or Stalker, You Pick
Dear Conflicted Nice Stalker Guy,
Thank you for your good intentions. I know they're leading you down a potentially messy road, but you believe you're motivated by a desire to help her, and that's a starting point.
In your defense, I would like to say that other than a woman following The Rules (by Fein and Schneider), I can't, at this moment, think of a better way to create a stalker than dating a survivor. They alternate between vulnerable, broken neediness and inexplicable distance. They play push me-pull me with your head. They hold out a promise that you could be the one to save them -- that you could be the kind, gentle man to show them the path to a healthy relationship with sex. Then they snatch it away and throw up boundaries like, "any penetration feels like rape, but we can cuddle and kiss," and you're left with a woody and guilt about the woody, which just sucks. You think you're helping and then you're hurting but perhaps they just don't know they can trust you, so a little push would show them you're their ally, and there you are. Stalking. It is unfair.
Just for kicks and giggles, let's pretend her healing process is any of your business at this point. Or maybe this advice is for the people who write me before the last three sentences of your letter.
She's got stuff to deal with. It's big, tedious, scary, messy stuff. It's her stuff, but she can always use loving support. I wrote "Short Form Instructions for Partners of Survivors" (available at http://www.motherwit.com/partners/) just for people in your situation. She should definitely own The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse, by Staci Haines, and The Courage to Heal, by Bass and Davis. She may not ever open them, but she should own them. I know of more than one survivor who likes knowing they're there as a sort of talisman against futility: "If this therapy thing doesn't work out, there's always The Courage to Heal Workbook."
It seems that survivors don't write me looking for free advice. They must poke around on the Internet, finding the bazillions of free resources, writings and advocacy groups available to them. Many of them schedule readings with me as well. For some reason, it's partners of survivors who write me for free advice. So here it is:
Clean up your own yard. There are going to be one or several BIG underlying reasons why you've focused on her healing journey as a huge issue for you. There are going to be unhealthy dependency-creating reasons why you've selected a survivor in the midst of a healing crisis as your primary partner. I guarantee you, there is plenty of stuff for you to work on in therapy, the ashram, past-life regressions, or however you choose to work through it.
What could be more romantic than the opportunity to save somebody? But every savior needs a victim, and there ain't no recipe for healthy love in that kitchen. You need to find the emotional snares that entrap you in her quagmire instead of following your own path. You need to identify the false ideas that make you think you can fix her, or think that you're not broken by comparison. You need to release the karmic ties that bind, so you can evaluate your situation with loving detachment. You need to allow her to do her own healing, while you do your healing, so when she comes out of the end of her long dark tunnel you're with her as a partner, not left behind as the same person she knew at the start of her journey.
If you discover some healthy urges at the root of your desire to help others, volunteer at a shelter or feed people or donate to the ACLU. We all have the urge to give back. You will naturally find yourself helping her, particularly when she asks for it. But if you're trying to meet a soul-level need for purpose by having your partner as your project, that's not going to work out. Can you imagine the pressure on her? "Baby, I love you so much and I need to know I'm on the planet for a reason and helping you with your sexual abuse healing crisis gives my life meaning, so could we get back to the part where you're a total mess and I'm rescuing you? No? Why not?" Find something outside your relationship to give your life meaning, and help her when it's appropriate for you both.
If she should make it clear to you that the relationship is over, then let it go. There is no way whatsoever for you to save her by persuading her to stay in a relationship with you. If you let yourself get all nuts over it, you're going to be her next restraining order. And whom does that serve, exactly?
Love yourself, do your work, and be available to be of assistance to others as the universe asks it of you. While a survivor welcomes your embrace, hold her loosely. When she says she's done, let go with grace.
Random Internet Plea #3
Dear Freya,
Sometimes I have dreams that come true, or like know when the phone rings who it's going to be. I wonder if I might be psychic, and how I could bring that out. Can you give me any advice?
Sincerely,
Wanting More From My Reality
Dear Wanting More,
Being psychic is totally cool. It's also a total pain in the ass, so pursue this road with caution. I mean, I can't imagine a better curse than wishing someone empathic. Ick! You can't figure out what's your emotional crap and what belongs to people in the next apartment, you get moody for other people's reasons, and you have to struggle to learn to block it out.
But being more in touch with one's intuition: groovy. Remembering past lives: fun, informative, cathartic and healing. Precognition that keeps you away from the wrong dark alley: life-saving. Seeing pretty colors: cheaper than drugs. Scaring people with your spooky mind-reading prowess: priceless.
I definitely encourage you to explore. Go to a metaphysical bookstore and see what books leap out at you. Not only will you have access to many different philosophies and approaches to developing psychic talent, but it's also a first opportunity to practice the skill you're learning. I bought my first (and still current) Tarot deck through trusting my intuition in a bookstore.
You could sit down, get all quiet and meditative, and ask your own self how best to develop your psychic abilities. Trust what floats up into your mind. An instruction to "go to Popeye's Chicken" may seem strange, but if you go you may find you run into someone with a clue for you in your journey.
I would highly recommend a simple little book called Practical Guide to Past-Life Memories: Twelve Proven Methods by Richard Webster. This book is so accessible it's almost insulting, which makes it perfect. Instead of describing one favorite way to access psychic information (in this case past lives), Mr. Webster describes twelve of them. They're all simple, and all a little bit different. One might be perfect for a linear accountant-type, another better for a swooning emotional intuitive. Open at random or read cover-to-cover as your inclination leads you: I guarantee one of the methods will show you things you've never seen before. All of them can easily be adapted to acquiring other types of psychic information.
Most of all have fun. If the process isn't fun, if it isn't opening you up to experience in a good way, knock it off. If you're not sure if you've stayed on the fluffy side of the woo, refer to #1 above.
Believe that you have magick inside you. Everyone does.
Freya is a professional psychic, teacher, healer and shaman. She is available for psychic readings on the above issues, as well as all other areas of life experience. She can be reached at (206) 276-4290 or freya_ray@yahoo.com, and more info can be found at her Web site, freyaray.com.
Copyright © 2006 by the article's author