A Must-Have Guide to Handfasting for Couples and Clergy

review

by Bronwynn Torgerson

This volume is a must have, both for couples considering a handfasting or wedding ceremony, and the pagan clergy who may officiate it. Raven Kaldera, a pagan wedding consultant for fifteen years, and Tannin Schwartzstein, proprietress of Bones and Flowers and the arch-mage of Worcester, Mass., have conjured up a treasure.

Included are no-nonsense logistical tips for a stress-free celebration, such as the tips on candle safety that include trial runs for children who must carry candles or placement out of reach for those too young to be trusted with fire. The passage on bonfire etiquette bids us never burn plastic, chuck seemingly empty lighters or allow inebriated guests to urinate in the wedding fire. Schwartzstein and Kaldera assure us that they have seen these and other calamities unfold. Additionally, they urge couples who have requested that a priest or priestess carry a sword in circle to do a test-run to see whether the officiate can actually lift the thing. The story is told of a slightly built priestess who struggled under the weight of a five-foot Claymore, ultimately having someone else hold up the tip of the sword as she staggered around with the rest.

This book is filled with bits of historical lore, and provides a fascinating insight into modern day wedding customs that have been handed down. Today's bride throws a decorative garter because once upon a time, her poorer peasant counterparts literally had their nuptial garments ripped from their bodies by male attendees! That bit of lace she flings today is an appeasement charm.

I was amazed at the diversity of ritual texts, both mainstream and alternative, for couples designing their handfasting rite. There is a ritual for goths which includes bloodletting and binding, and one for the body modification folks, in which rings in the correct size of the bride's and groom's fingers are worn for months ahead of time as nipple rings, then exchanged on the wedding day. There are ceremonies for les/bi/gay couples and polyamorous commitments, along with interfaith wedding texts that include pagan-catholic, pagan-Protestant, pagan-Muslim, pagan-Buddhist, pagan-Hindu and Judeo-pagan pairings. Rituals from many corners of the pagan, Druidic, heathen, Stregan and Greco-Roman can be found. There is even a suggested text for teenage couples, who approach priest and priestess for a symbolic year-and-a-day handfasting, and who, in return, promise to love and respect one another and to not bear a child in that length of time, until they are older and more prepared, both emotionally and financially.

The book ends with an assortment of hand-parting ceremonies; a bittersweet reminder to the reader that happily-ever-after may not mean the same thing as forever, and that sometimes after the cake comes the divorce attorney at worst or an amicable parting at best.

I would recommend Inviting Hera's Blessing to one and all. As legal clergy and priestess of many handfastings, I know I will be pulling this invaluable reference guide off my bookshelf quite often.