Toward a More Accurate Definition of Western Tantra

humor

by Dedric

Tan·tra

1. The spiritual practice of bothering to change your sheets and maybe lighting a candle before having sex.
2. A collection of simple techniques and associated workshops to help men maintain their erections longer, typically amounting to (1) paying attention to one's arousal level and thrusting less rapidly as needed to postpone climax, (2) breathing more deeply and regularly with the intent of avoiding the body tension associated with climax or (3) contracting the pubococcygeus muscle before climax with the intent of avoiding ejaculation.
3. The habit of using Hindu and New Age terms rather than the equivalent English terms to describe sexual anatomy and behavior.
4. A courtship strategy, popular within some parts of sex-positive culture and the poly community, of enhancing your comparative desirability as a sex partner by implying that ordinary sex (carried out for pleasure rather than spiritual advancement) is beneath you.
5. A sex-positive event in which single men, secretly hoping they will get laid, go around in a circle gazing into the eyes of women they don't know, then eventually to leave without having gotten laid. The event's intent is to teach relationship deception skills by creating a safe, supportive environment in which it's not okay to actually ask for what you want. An event of this type may be immediately identified by the presence of a container of hummus dip and an altar to a Hindu deity that nobody actually believes in.
6. The business practice of attempting to protect an otherwise straightforward escort service from run-ins with the law by sprinkling in some hopefully distracting New Age language. Associated with the spiritual belief that referring to the price of a sex act as a "donation" or "tribute," rather than as a "fee" actually changes the nature of it.